just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
