there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
