No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
