my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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