don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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