Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
