Need sex. Gaining weight.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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