just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
