David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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