Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
