absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
