I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
