YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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