He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
