I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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