Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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