i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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