My Higher Power is John Stamos
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
what day is it and did you see me today?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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