Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
