Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
