Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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