He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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