ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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