Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
sex in a hospital.. check
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
