she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
