I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nutella sex= disaster
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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