PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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