then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
