In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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