We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
