hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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