I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
