The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just gift wrapped bread.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
