I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
