i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
