how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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