so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Randomize
