I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
