i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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