don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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