Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
