i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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