someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
