Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
