I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
