he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
