There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
