My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
