It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
