UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
