i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
