it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
