And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
