Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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