i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
