He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
