I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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